I am sure we all have our share of angry managers, difficult customers, or nasty colleagues. Sometimes, even in random daily interactions, we encounter someone who is rude to us. After dealing with these people, our day is spoilt. We feel angry, insulted, or frustrated. We become more stressed and unhappy.
I recall having a particularly difficult client. We had arranged a timing for a call, but he mis-read the timing. When he called and I was not free to speak with him, he started to scold me in his frustration. I knew I had done nothing wrong, but the experience still left me feeling rather irritated. The fact that I still recall this as I type here just shows the impact it left on me
We can make every interaction a positive one.
Everyone, regardless of position, has the capacity to not to treat others badly. We can carry out daily life in a way to keep every encounter with others a positive one for them. There is no need to be rude, make personal attacks, lose temper, or vent frustrations. No matter how aggravating the scenario, we can still respond in a calm and considerate way. Even when the interaction is in itself negative (such as making a complaint), we can do it in a way that is firm and understanding, and not make it worse than it should be.
Feeling unhappy is normal, not weakness.
Back in practice I used to hear lawyers complain that juniors were not “tough enough”. That having their bosses scream at them, or files thrown, is just a part of practice. It was their own fault for being weak.
There is a difference between professionalism — to finish a job as required regardless of ill-feelings, and being a stone golem, unable to feel anything despite no matter how harsh. A normal, human psyche is sure to feel sad or stressed when shouted at. Having these emotions do not make us any less capable or worse than others.
Expecting resilience in others is shifting responsibility away
Saying that others should be tougher, to be able to take it, is pushing the responsibility away. We all have a duty to try and be better to those around us. Even if we have rank, or are paying, we should still have some common decency among humans in the same society. What enterprise is so important that it justifies treating another person badly?
Often, people also complain about others’ inability to take the stress to mask their own incompetence. We can always strive to make ourselves better in every situation. A leader can try to inspire more, a manager can find more ways to empower subordinates to work better, we can all take the effort to be courteous and patient in everyday interactions.
Do we want a society where strength is paramount
It would be sad if our world develops such that everyone is expected to have some “toughness”. I think a softer touch is important to make this world one worth living in. Otherwise, the world, taken to extremes, is one of tooth and nail competition, of “survival of the fittest”. I do not want such a world. We all need others to be understanding and show us compassionate at some point. There can only be one strongest person, and even then, we are mortal and fragile. Whoever is on top might be the weak one over time. We live in organised society to help make up for these moments of vulnerability and weakness.
I might be too idealistic. Maybe this vision of a world is one that is unproductive, and people need to be pushed before they will cooperate. Yet, as a race I like to think we can all try to be better.
I pledge here to try and always treat others well, no matter how stressed I am, how much they offend me, or if I have to trade off something else, like work or money. I hope that others may do the same as well.
I would love to hear views on this. I want to know if this is too much of a fantasy, why it cannot be done, or how anyone has ideas on how I can act this out better.